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READY...SET...HEADLINES! |
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SNNHN Gets Facial, President Blamed
For the past nineteen issues, SNNHN has stayed true to a format laid down by its predecessor, SNN Update, the real and true satire that will always remain close to our duodenums. However, the Grand Poobah of SNNHN decided that it was time for a change of clothes, and today we celebrate this by altering our molecular structure.
We're now stealing our format from WeBBSights, having stolen the idea of interviews from Aye on the WeBB, because we can't think of anything original to do.
Also, editions of SNNHN will no longer be availiable on the Fleetwide OOC. Visitors will have to venture to the depths of www.geocities.com/Area51/1519/SNNHNcurrent.htm to get their news. We can't wait to hear what the XEM will think of this.
New Factions Form in Fleetwide OOC
SNN founder and resident patent clerk Genesun "It's auditin' season!" Han, and current STF President and third floor copy boy Mike "I wish I were a democrat" Bourdaa have squared off in SNNHN's own tepid little corner of the WeBB. Their campaign platforms are as follows:
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Larimda ME Rep. (R)15th Radish District -- |
His belief in "veggies first" will definitely score him some points with all vegetables. His opposition notes that he is not as sophisticated as one might seem, citing his motto of "Part of the Green Opposition." |
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Mike Bourdaa Sen. (P) GSOWM -- |
A devout enemy of Larimda's "Veggie" coalition, Bourdaa touts the fact that his party built several dozen roads to nowhere, and that's just his stats as Prez of STF! Bourdaa believes in a third faction, which is what his renegade "Pork Party" is. |
There are other factions that wish to join in the fun, that have neither the steam nor the uranium of the first two candidates. Larry "Now I'm legally an adult! Porn shops, here I come!" Garfield and SNN Executive Editor Mike "Where have all the Cathcarts gone?" Ballway both seem to run on a blue Jell-O® ticket.
Lock your doors, bar your windows -- the next person you see could very well be one of these people!
SNNHN Apologizes...Boy, We're Getting Tired of It
In what appears to be a researching job gone horribly awry, "WeBBSights" editor and SNN Associate Editor Larry "Hagman" Garfield noted to us that we had, once again, given incorrect information. In our last edition, we stated in the FunnyQuotes™ that James A. Garfield was the 19th president, rather than the 20th.
We choose to place the blame on the shoulders of Genesun "It's my first day!" Han, who is part of the SNNHN crack research team. Han was fired immediately, and as per the SNN way, ejected out of his office at breakaway speed. He has now fulfilled his dream of meeting John Glenn. Enough said.
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IN THE BRIEFS |
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Hughes Steaming Like Hot Milk
STFer Seamus "Robert Earl" Hughes has reprimanded the entire staff of SNN for plugging his publication Aye on the WeBB. Hughes said that Edition no. 5 was not finished when promoted by both WeBBSights and SNN Headline News. He will reportedly take this up with his accountant.
Grand Poobah Bribes FComm-1
In case you missed it in WeBBSights #16, USS Victorious CO, SNN Associate Editor, and all-around jerk Mark "I'd like to keep the public matters private" Wilson was named AFComm-1 last week. This title carries no weight on the WeBB since Fleet 1, "The Displaced Fleet," still remains on Prodigy.
Bourdaa Issues Statement; Rumors of Statement-Induced Riots Unfounded
Current STF traPsident Mike "pePsident" Bourdaa issued a mid-term statement earlier this week. In it, he stated how proud he was of STFers on the WeBB and gave a list of people he would pat on the head and say "nice job" to. Suffice to say, Jim "Manitoba" Armstrong didn't make the list. Rumors have it that he will soon go on a murderous rampage.
Make Fun of the Associate Editor...Go On, We Dare You!
He's so daring he decided to paste his picture on the internet. Yep, we're talking about the one and only SNNHN Grand Poobah. Set your web browser to www.geocities.com/Area51/1519/myPhoto.gif to get a seconhdhand glimpse of this fellow's picture from last year. (NOTE: Colin Wyers looks geekier).
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ADVERT SECTION |
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New Advertising Section
Are you like the 3rd fleet (or should I say Third Fleet), tired of being walked on by all of the other fleets that have more publicity and a higher space on the Choose-A-Ship list? Were people aware of your existence only moments ago, when they clicked "Third Fleet" instead of "Sixth Fleet"?
Then our special Advertising Section is for you! For a minimal fee (including deposit) you can be noticed in medium-sized, 12 pt. Times New Roman letters with optional Arabic numbers.
Act now, as this space could still be empty by our next issue!
By now you've asked yourself either "When will this moron stop talking?" or "When will the moron stop talking and tell me where to send my ad?" If you asked either question, we hate you, but we'd also like to tell askers of the second question that you can send your ad to the address at the bottom of the page.
ADVERTS will be corrected for spelling and grammar, and given a funny title. Position on the list comes on a first-come, first-serve, first-bribe basis. Act now! It could be the best thing you ever did (next to being born, of course).
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CLOSING REMARKS |
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Well, Well, Look Who's Come Crawling Back
So, what do you think of SNNHN's hip new duds? It's fly new rags? Any other slang names for a new look? If you come up with slang names, or would like to comment (no criticisms, please) on our trendy flavor, send those comments to the address at the bottom of your screen. If the address appears at the top, your monitor is upside-down.
As with most issues, we now state that to the best of our knowledge, we stand verdad to our recycled Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF Events.
See us. See us next time. See us when we give you another helpful tidbit from H. Simon Gregory's bag of outlawed practices. See a new interviewee. See them sit down with us and talk at mortarpoint. Wave good-bye. Good-bye, SNN Headline News!
