The WeBB began several years ago, but this was the year that the WeBB was finally completed. In March, long-lost Fleet 1 came to the WeBB and rounded out the MOTD; but this was the first time that the WeBB was complete, a fully-functioning unit (except when it wouldn't work). This issue chronicles 1999 from beginning to end, or maybe it will be done from end to beginning just to play with your head. This was an interesting year, to say the least, full of scandals and romance and the occassional rabblerouser thrown in for good measure.

After Aye's Christmas issue came out last year (or two years ago, depending on when you're reading this), readers were stunned to notice that its format was the same as another publication, WeBBsights. SNN Associate Editor Larry "It's Charles Guiteau! Run away!" Garfield became incensed and demanded not only the stoppage of Aye, but also the resignation of Seamus "O'Seamus" Hughes. Garfield later admitted that he had been a wee bit harsh, but Hughes closed Aye's doors, which he proclaimed were never to be opened again (until April).

In what is only the second or third STF marriage in history, then-GMDir Deanne "Warwick" Morgan and then-Seraph CO Steve "Martin" Ashton . . . well, they married. The new Mrs. Ashton moved to England to live with the once, current, and future Mr. Ashton. At the same time, the couple was also married at a ceremony on Fleet 4's Crell, presided over by Siskonian Archbishop Larry "Doby" Garfield. Currently, the duo like to mess with our heads by posting to the Command Mailing List claiming that the message is from either Steve or Deanne (but we don't know the answer, now do we?).

Bob "Merlin" Spurlin, formerly well-known CO of the USS Seraph, ran for the office of President in STF's Winter '99 elections and won. The administration was the first for Spurlin, the first President ever to be exclusively WeBB-only with no Prodigy experience. Spurlin's administration was a shaky one indeed, full of scandals and miscommunications up the wazoo. Trouble began around April when then-GMDir and then-Deanne Morgan proclaimed that something stinky was in the air when OPs in the chat room began to be awarded based on rank and not frequency in the room. Morgan was soon fired from her post as GMDir and banned from holding any cabinet position, and also from posting in Command. Spurlin later slapped himself on the wrist and demoted himself to Ensign, allowing Morgan back into the club. In October, Owen "I'm sure Marines live in" Townes started an argument when he resigned from STF after an argument where Spurlin proudly showed off his negotiation skills. The Spurlin administration took a sudden turn when Spurlin himself resigned the Presidency in October due to health issues. Vice-President Colin "12-gauge" Wyers assumed command for the short span between Spurlin's resgination and the elections.

After several long years of not being on the WeBB, Fleet 1 came to the WeBB in March of 1999. Disoriented and dazed like so many drug-users stepping into natural light, Fleet 1 got its bearings and settled down with its two ships: flagship USS Ark Angel and flagship runner-up USS Victorious. Later in the year, it received a massive increase with the commisioning of the USS Apache, Aries, and Ogawa -- all within weeks. Trouble struck when long-time FComm-1 Cdre. Dennis "Den" Hannigan was forced to resign due to time constraints, but fortunately a much more handsome candidate stepped in to fill the post . . . and we forget his name at the moment.

Though not quite overshadowing the Second Jell-O War (known popularly as the IRC Jell-O War), the Third Jell-O War made just as much of an impact and set as many legal precedents. The most interesting of these precedents was the formation of new and completely different groups of foods. No longer could this war be called a Jell-O War with such entries as Cheesecake, Lemon Creme Cookies, and Milk. Truly, this was the first Dessert War, and as such, the Third Jell-O War was dubbed Dessert War '99. FComm-4 Larry "Flynt" Garfield had quite a time keeping up with the Dessert Tote Board on the WeBB OOC MOTD. Noted Garfield, "This is truly a dark day for Blue Jello [sic], and truly for all Jell-Os. The other desserts are demanding their shelf space. By golly, we're not giving it to them!"

Some of the conflicts centered around The Technology Shop, a multidimensional store concocted by Israel "United Arab Emirates" Harris. The store supplied a variety of goods to the warring factions, and had several holographic versions of itself so that it could have a foot in all markets. Problems arose, however, when FComm-1 Mark "Johnson" Wilson created a knock-off enterprise called La Tienda de Tecnologia. Literally translated, it means "The Shop of Technology," but Harris was quick to sue Wilson for infrigement of copyright. No decision was reached, as interest in the Jell-O Wars slowly waned and was diverted to an interesting debate between FComm-4 Larry "The Lion" Garfield and FComm-2 Mike "McKean" Ballway about capitalism, washing machines, and underwear.

In the first such conflict of its kind, STF engaged in "MOTD Wars" as detailed in Headline News 37. The Wars were not like normal wars, but in fact involved the sabotage of others' MOTDs. They pitted Fleets 1 and 6 against Fleets 5 and 3, not unlike some sort of STF Civil War. The low point of the affair came when Starbase 277, the home of Fleet 6operations, had its MOTD completely erased. The two warring sides called an end to their fighting and IDir Mike "Shelf-a" Bourdaa placed a device in the WeBB that monitored who changed MOTDs. It also raised the question of whether or not FComms or COs should be able to edit MOTDs not in their fleet. IDir Bourdaa noted that he was too tired to undertake such an undertaking, so he went to bed and let the AIDir handle it.

Election Coordinator Seamus "Harold Ramis" Hughes employed a variety of new tools in this year's Fall Elections (unless you're Nikolle "The Girl That Ran a Fleet" Burchette, in which case they're the Spring Elections). Among them were a system of primaries that eliminated two candidates, and an automated voting system that eliminated the need to manually count ballots coming in through e-mail. Another precedent happened, as well: the first ever election resignation. Presidentialy hopeful James "Arlen" Speck dropped out of the race after the IRC debates.

Fall '99 elections were on the minds of STFians as early as summertime, when people who wanted to throw themselves into the ring were Ginger "Nutmeg" Johnson, Larry "Nermal" Garfield, Mike "Hallway" Ballway, and Colin "Fiber-optic" Wyers.

In STF, there are only two processing devices that are eligible for this award, and one of them is not st-fleet. No, after careful consideration, our boys at SNN Center tallied all three of the votes for processing unit of the year, and the decision was definitely a majority one: none other than GORBI.

GORBI, part of Nyetscape's tradition of communistic computers, began life on the USS Montgomery (or some other Fleet 4 ship; we're too lazy to do the research). As time passed, GORBI changed Fleets, moving to STF2's USS Constellation, where it was repeatedly taunted by then-COS Ken "Jennifer Jason" Leigh-Smith and lusted after by CSO Sakala. The true test of GORBI, though, came in 1999 when the grammar check from Microsoft Word wiped out most of the computer's systems, including SimCity 2000, a favorite of Captain J.R. "Ewing" Stevenson.

Until recently, GORBI was operated from behind a nearby curtain by FComm-4 Cdre. Larry "The Great and Powerful Wizard of Crell" Garfield. Garfield rescinded most GM duties in Fleet 2, including those aboard the USS Constellation. Currently, GORBI is ably operated by new Connie GM Ken "The Great and Powerful Wizard of Montreal" Leigh-Smith. SNN Headline News salutes GORBI and its continuting efforts to remain calm while be asked the same question again and again.

Following the recent re-addition of Whose Line is it, Anyway? to the Comedy Central lineup, ED flying monkey Randy "Clive" McCullick has taken it upon himself to create a chat version of the show. Charter members of the group were STF People's Cheese Seamus "Man of the people" Hughes, Colin "Mockery" Wyers, and several others who have chosen to remain anonymous. So far the favorite game is "Alphabet," in which players alternate speaking but must begin each new statement with the next letter of the alphabet (for example, if the chosen letter is "e," the first statement begins with "e" and players go through the alphabet until reaching "e" again). Another fan favorite is "Questions Only," where players can only ask questions and are out if they repeat a question or make a non-interrogative statement. Attempts were made by McCullick to incorporate "Party Quirks" into their show, but these only had marginal success.

Headline News cub reporter Emily Bronte remarked that the British version of Whose Line is more entertaining than the American one. Headline News staff photographer Aldous Huxley agreed, noting that more games were played on the British version, and there was more of a variety of people. McCullick is planning to add more games as he can "convert" them, or alter them to suit the needs of a chat room. In the first game played, Colin "Quinn" Wyers and Scott "Dale" Robison were the joint winners; their prize was to argue over what games to play next week.

For a long time now, those fat cats down in Command have thrown around the idea of Fleet 7, but to no avail. Fleet 7 still remains on the drawing board like so many T-squares. It seems as though there will never be expansion beyond the six fleets that exist now - or does it? This is where Fleet 8 comes in. Fleet 8, a joint venture of AOL Daimler-Warner Chrysler WorldCom, has been granted (in secret) a charter to begin operation in February of 2000. These so-called "charter fleets," separate from the rest of STF and yet still a part of it, are all the rage these days as Command fails to see the need for expansion. One person put it best: "The future of STF is in Fleet 8, a Fleet with unlimited resources and a free toaster for joining."

STF President Seamus Hughes wasn’t as optimistic. With his typical style, he dismissed the charter for Fleet 8, calling it "nonsense" and "more nonsense." After these two fragmented comments, Hughes went on to say that "Fleet 8 is even less a reality than Fleet 7. I don’t know where you got this information, but there never has been a plan for Fleet 8." This may be so, but sources close to Headline News have dredged some top secret documents detailing Fleet 8’s structure and function. They note that Fleet 8 will be run not by a Fleet Commander, but by a committee of twelve junior officers. Also, Fleet 8 will have one ship, the USS Quetzal-Sacatanango (home of merciless chili peppers of the same name, grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum).

Other documents that were dredged up show that Fleet 8 was to be, by all accounts, the "newbie fleet." Sadly, these plans never came to fruition as the Fleet 8 headquarters-in-progress, Starbase 21A (Starbase 21 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays), went up in a ball of flames, killing its only occupants - six gerbils assigned to run the warp core. It must be asked, then, who the victim is here. Is it Command, whose plans were thwarted by the whim of President Hughes? Perhaps it is the inmates of that Guatemalan insane asylum, whose peppers will never be eaten by anyone except judges in small-town chili competitions (and these people will presumably have delusions that urge them to "find their soul-mate"). Or maybe the real victims are those poor, poor gerbils - the end result of a society that has let its morals fall so low as to allow Barry Manillow to survive unpunished. Any way the bread is sliced, it still falls away from Fleet 8 and toward someone who will be crushed by the bread, possibly an artificially shrunken person.

With a new year, STF has many new things in store, not the least of which is the passage of the Articles of Organization. Also, expect to be mezmorized by McParty IX, sub-titled "This time, the "I" comes first." Undoubtedly, we will also see a Jell-O War and a Soft Drink War (the latter having been begat by McParty VIII). Will Fleet 7 really come to fruition, or has STF been duped into believing it would ever exist? Only one person knows the answer to these questions, and he could not be reached.

As always, we at SNN Headline News swear on the swagger of John Wayne that we will always stick to our lightly salted Journalistic Motto of "Quick, Informative, Totally Biased Reporting" of STF events. We also maintain that the new millennium begins in 2001, and that "millennium" is spelled with two "n"s.

Come back next week when Headline News celebrates St. Valentines' Day with a column about love penned by the Greek Goddess of Love, Aphrodite (a SNN first), as well as a massacre courtesy of South Side gangster Al "Scarface" Capone. By then, it will only be two issues until the super-terrific, happy Issue 50 of SNN Headline News, where we celebrate ourselves and wallow in our own crapulence. You can bet there'll be no news in that issue; it is very much like this issue right here.

Send questions, comments, or concerns (no critcisms, please; they make us party like it's 2099) to the News Chief.